Tongue.
He just
couldn´t remember when it happened. Was it around his twenties? Or has it been
this way forever? Probably just after the teenage years hormones started to
give him a break. The important thing is that now he just couldn´t resist a
beautiful tongue. And a tongue he didn´t feel comfortable with was enough to
not pursuit a relationship. Not even a one night stand. Hell, not even a talk
if he could see a problem from afar.
The thing
is that tongues are not an easy thing to see. Apart from teenagers showing
they´re having fun or are rebellious, nobody exposes their tongues for the
world. A well-kept secret unleashed only with a big laugh. A smile just won´t
do. Too many teeth on the way. But, “Don´t get me wrong”, he would say, “I love
smiles”.
Most guys
actually aim at smiles. If they can get a full laugh during a whole night it´s
already a lot. Especially since laughs are normally not that sexy. Too revealing.
And some women avoid them to be sexy all the time. With their enigmatic half-smiles.
Their lowered eyes, long eye lids, red lipsticks and bitten straws.
Thinking
about the impossibilities of seeing a girls tongue through smiles, he decided:
he´s going to get big laughs. No matter the cost. So he did the only thing he
could. He went training.
First,
writing. He´d have to be able to write his own jokes. Keep the material fresh. Nothing
turns a laugh into a smile as quick as lack of originality. Then, maybe some
theater classes. Get a little looser. And last, but not least, improv classes.
And for this one he was aiming big. Chicago´s famous Second City.
The plan
was perfect. If everything went according to expected he would be able to
identify perfect tongues rather quickly. Smooth, long and, with any luck,
skillful. With about 5 minutes of conversation he would be sure to get at least
one big laugh. Do that in a well lit room and the doors of heaven will be open
for any tongue lover. One big look.
Feeling
well with his recently made plan, he decided to put it into action. It wasn´t
hard to find writing classes in his home town. A few calls and he was good to
go. Theater classes were not that easy, but he decided he would take things
slow. Maybe build a repertoire first. So he set out to his first writing class,
unaware the school´s street was filled with zombies. Not real ones, of course.
The ones that are actually people dressed as zombies. With heavy make-up.
As he was
dodging fake blood and brains, he saw her. Fully dressed up, she could´ve given
him a heart attack if found inside his closet, for instance. But not on the
streets, walking like a zombie with her tongue hanging out. The most perfect
tongue he´d ever seen. And he thought “Sometimes, you got to make plans to be
able to abandon them”.
